"There was the period of my life last year which, of course, you know about, where I was sent to the psych ward after this weird break down I had. This song was a song I had been listening to for months on repeat without it losing any emotional content for me and it still has the same emotional energy in it. It was on this playlist I was putting together in the first of these monthly playlists I’ve been making to archive my experience through music. But that intense interaction with music was contrasted against this situation, the hospital, where I didn’t have any access to music except for an IPod with, like, a lot of Eminem on it. But music is a way of channeling and exploring emotion for me and I didn’t really have access for about a week or so. There was one location where this song really kind of broke me while being in the middle of my melt down before this contrasting situation came up… They sent me against my will. But, in that moment I- I was driving back down state from the (upper peninsula) where I drove in this manic haze to visit my now partner for the first time. The whole drive I had been feeling off but a lot of my emotion get disguised as paranoia which is (sarcastic) great and kind of embarrassing. But feeling that unstable and not being able to get out of it by thinking logically is really scary and the visit to the (upper peninsula) was the end of this like long chain of horrible stuff so I started to crash from this manic idea of being invincible and the paranoia started to pool into that panic I have sometimes where (I think) I’m having a stroke or an aneurism or what the fuck ever. So I was like, 'hey I’m dying' so (I thought) I should call you, to let you know that I’m dying and I called you but you were at work so I was just like, 'oh, sorry' or something like that. So then I was like, 'alright, time to put on some mood music,' so I put on this song Mick Slow by Metronomy and I was blasting it as high as I could while this intense pain was sweeping through my body and my legs were going numb and my teeth were like tingling cuz this song calms me down most of the time. There’s this part where there’s this really intense bass that you can’t hear unless it’s like shaking the car, and with the swelling of the beginning of the song my panic and paranoia swelled into the strange feeling you get when you have a body and you’re inhabiting a living thing and you feel as if your body is giving out before you really want it to. And I pulled off at the next exit on the highway and I feel like it was exit 55 or something on I-127 and I pulled into one of those gravel driveways that leads to a closed gate that’s chained shut in front of a field and I remember being like, 'I guess I should call an ambulance so they can pick up my body and let people know,' so I did and I was sitting in the car waiting for a really long time. I was shaking and talking to myself trying to calm myself down and I’m just looking at this field thinking about a story I heard about someone finding two black dogs sacrificed in a field and this lyric in the song came on and it’s something like, 'something unbelievable has come when it needed to.' I remember thinking about this person who I had just gone to visit who I felt a really deep connection with in this time where I was handling a lot of really heavy stuff with trauma and diagnosis and thinking about how we wouldn’t get to become close because I was dying and how if I survived, which is always an if in my brain cuz I’m dramatic, I was going to be sure to pursue this relationship even if at the time, thinking about the night before and the trip itself sort of felt disturbing. It was a feeling of deep, deep loss of control that’s become very common in my life for the first time."